So, I started publishing my old diary entries. Weird? Yes? But I am not easily embarrassed and I actually love the idea that people are laughing at the expense of 11-14 year old Lauren. So, I’ll keep posting them. Wanna see the first one? You should definitely read it because it paints a picture of just how silly I was back then.
July: The month I pretty much only went to Church to see boys.
July 9, 2000
‘I tried Youth Church because Ryan wasn’t at church again. It was way better than Sunday CZ, but Sharon said we couldn’t go up anymore. Poop on her!’
Good comeback Lauren. Reaaaaaaly good. I will have you know that this is the first of many times that I used this “diss” (P.S. the word DISS!? Do you remember using this word!!!). Some other choice insults I liked to use during this period of my life were: “idiot-face,” “ass clown” (which, I still totally love to use today), “dummy-butt” (which is a real winner in my book) and “snot.”
I also want to highlight here that I was the girl who got in trouble for sneaking into youth church. Like, some kids got in trouble for stealing or smoking cigarettes, but the pinnacle of my punishment for something involved being told to not go to a church service.
July 1 and July 22, 2000
‘We ran a bunch of aarons…’ and ‘We ran a bunch of erins…’
I effing just needed to learn how to spell errands. ERRANDS.
This makes me cringe.
July 23, 2000
‘I miss last summer. Muriel’s really changed.’
This was all the entry said. I was sure depressed, I couldn’t elaborate, and we all know that I can elaborate on just about anything. But you know what? Muriel really had changed and I just didn’t even know how to process it. So, the depression and consequent lack of words is super valid.
July 30, 2000
‘I went to church. Ryan wasn’t there but I saw him at the Bradford’s going away reception. He said he has a girlfriend but I think he’s lieing. Whoevers his girlfriend is really lucky. He’s gotten way cute! CYA!’
Well the summer-long mystery of where the love of my life Ryan had been all summer was SOLVED. In retrospect, it really was sad that I spent the whole summer pining for a boy and that was pretty much the only reason I went to church. Oh, and for the record, he totally did NOT have a girlfriend and we made out later that summer so the joke is on him.
Have we talked about how I say CYA at the end of pretty much every entry? I think I am going to start using that as my signature sign-off as an adult.
August and September, 2000.
August 1, 2000
‘Then we made Kaylin like Britney Spears and did a concert for Kelsey and Alyssa. Oh yeah, Ryan might be at church tomorrow and I have a different plan (smiley face).’
This was like, the epitome of my childhood. We dressed up and did concerts and music videos for our younger siblings to questionable pop songs. (I will say that I deeply resent that I ALWAYS had to be Scary Spice when we played Spice Girls.) But for the most part, we just all dressed in the latest fashions from Limited Too, and danced around. I miiiiiiight still do this now, but it usually involves alcohol.
And looky here! Ryan makes another appearance! I guess our epic love story was NOT done yet. I don’t know about you but I am on PINS AND NEEDLES thinking about what my ‘different plan’ was.
*Note the use of a smiley face. This is the first time one of these makes an appearance…I was so ahead of the game you guys.
August 11, 2000
‘For my birthday my mom and dad bought me the make-up planner and white Adidas.’
I can picture the make-up planner right now. It was everything. Also, let’s take a moment to appreciate footwear of the early 2000s. Adidas and Jack Purcells certainly were the big ones, right?
Yikes. These are some of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. Fashion-savvy Lauren of the present would cringe at the idea that I once wore these. But, then I remember that I also wore these:
…and the shear horror of that eliminates the shame I feel about white Adidas.
I would just like to say that during this particular time, there was a little addition to the ‘CYA!’ sign-off. ‘Bye Bye Bye!’ (AHHHHHH. So horrible).
August 19, 2000
‘I went on AOL.com chat room. I met a girl who I think is cool.’
Oh sweet naive Lauren. I’ll be interested to see if I write about this ‘girl’ anymore, because I am guessing it was really a 40 year old man with questionable intentions.
September 7, 2000
‘I hung out with everybody and the new girl Audree. She’s nice!’
SO THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED. You guys – SHE WAS NOT NICE. Let me tell you about this girl. She was my first real-exposure to the kind of bat-shit crazy that ends up on reality shows. This girl was nuts. I literally have repressed most of my memories of her, but I have a few lingering nightmares about her antics every once in a while. I cannot wait to continue reading my diaries because I had to have captured some of the horrifying experiences we had together.