Sleigh Without Bells

“…and prepare the sleigh without bells.” (The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe)

I think the enemy works with no pomp & circumstance. He just seizes the moment. Peter tells us:

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) 

That’s the terrifying thing about him – is that he seeks me. out He knows my weaknesses and he aims to push me deeper and deeper into believing those are what define me. But he does it quietly, subtly. Whispering instead of screaming.

That’s what this last year of my life has been. It’s been a season of frustration with church and frustration with community and frustration with relationships. He knows that. I lack discipline. I lack the foundation I’ve had for so long. Frankly, I’m an easy target – he didn’t even have to try that hard.

He knows that I am a cynic by nature – so he whispers:

“How do you know that’s true? How can you prove it? There are still SO many things that don’t add up.”

He know how deeply I desire a relationship – so he distracts me:

“Lower your standards. Morals, values, similar convictions…those aren’t important. Besides, you can’t be too picky at this point in your life.” 

He knows that lust and sexual impurity is something that continues to be a struggle for me – so he lies to me: 

“You aren’t hurting anyone. Everyone else thinks like this. It is normal. You should do what makes you happy. Your thoughts don’t make a difference.” 

All these things, and more. Constant lies. Constant whispers that aim to distract me from the life I’m called to live. And it’s more than a calling, it’s the life I want to live. But that’s exactly why the enemy has to be subtle. He knows that we won’t just give up something that we’re wired for right off the bat. It takes time to turn someone away from Christ. It takes distraction and exhaustion and confusion and doubt. The perfect recipe for the rejection of Christ.

I was close. That might sound dramatic. But it’s true. The past month, since I have known I am leaving my job at the church I work for, I’ve had the thought – what if I just stopped going? What if I just sought community in other places and figured everything else out on my own? Who needs the church? Who needs accountability?

I’ve even thought – once or twice – who needs Jesus?

For a girl who was raised in the church, who has loved Jesus from a young age and felt so secure in His love for nearly 20 years, this is a scary thing to think about. But I did. Because I am all of those things – distracted and exhausted and confused and full of doubt. And those things are not necessarily bad things when one is actively immersed in the pursuit of God. But you see, I’m not that. I’m not strong enough for this.

Instead of reading Scripture, breathing in the truth that will truly set me free – I’ve made excuses. No time. No energy. No passion.

Instead of fighting for the church instead of with it – I’ve given up. I’ve decided that my happiness and well-being is more important than the bride of Christ. I’ve deemed the plan of Christ to save the world (the church) “too much to handle” and started to walk away.

Instead of trusting God to provide relationships in His time – I’ve entertained thoughts, and more recently actual pursuits of people that simply don’t point me to Christ. I’ve justified it and said that God’s obviously not working in that department, so I gotta do what I gotta do.

You’d never know all this though. If there’s anything I am a master at, it’s wearing a mask. Playing the part comes naturally. But it doesn’t come without cost. Not without a rub. Last night I could barely worship for 5 minutes without feeling sick to my stomach. My facade finally took its toll. I was the Israelites. My worship, the phony and half-assed worship of a God who literally created the world and breathed life into me, was indeed a stench to Him.

So this, all this is the epiphany. But that’s not the hard part. It’s the changing that’s the hard part. It’s the settling in and fighting everyday to silence the whispers the enemy wants me to listen to. It’s the buckling down and doing the things that are hard because they are also, by no coincidence, the things that are best. It’s understanding that no matter how many lessons I continue to learn in this season of life (and trust me, I know it’s a lot. Practically every blog I write is an epiphany I have about God…which, in my opinion, is freaking amazing), it never is right to quit. It never is right to stop learning and growing and fighting. It always is right to keep going and seeking. Always.

Jesus, I am so in awe that you allow me to struggle through these things. I can’t imagine, watching your daughter, someone you’ve provided for and been faithful to her entire life start to turn her back on you. I can’t fathom what it must feel like to give me the freedom to choose when you know I will choose wrong. But you do. Because that’s how I learn. That’s how it sinks in. The closer I get to the cliff’s edge, the more I know I need you. It’s sad I had to get that close, but the important part now is that I don’t teeter near the edge, tip-toeing toeing around what would lead me into a full-fledged downward spiral. I don’t need to dwell in my disasters. I need to turn, walk away, and live the story you are writing for me. As cliche as that sounds.

This peace I’ve been looking for – I’ve found it. And Jesus’ peace isn’t soft or subtle. It’s blatant and booming, arriving on a sleigh with bells blaring. And it’s the best.

-L

Bits & Pieces 9.9

Well, considering the last time I did an update like this was a year ago (oops!) I figured it was time. Plus, a lot of cool stuff has happened in the last few weeks (well, and this last year, too.) Hopefully I’ll be a little bit more regular with these posts from now on…

Oh, and since the first three of these categories have to do with media related things…let’s talk about that. You see, on May 1, I did this whole big Media Fast announcement. I had every intention of following through with it, because I believed in what I was fighting for. I believed that it was important to monitor what I was allowing in my brain because it affected my soul. The thing is, it’s been a strange season. I find myself wondering often if I still believe those things. Or, maybe it’s not a question of if I believe them, but rather if I care about them. It’s a crazy journey and probably a story for another blog post, but I’ve been in a season of (as my church would say) “putting everything on the table.”

Why do I go to church? Why do I feel like I have to do certain things to earn the love of God? Why do I live one way on the outside but struggle immensely with having a lifestyle that matches on the inside – even after all these years of trying and “doing all the right things?” Why do I feel like God ignores me 90% of the time? Who am I apart from being on staff at a church and being a seminary student and being an overall “Christian girl?”

These are big questions. And I think they are OK questions for me to be asking. But like I said, different blog post.

[Edit: Here's that "different" blog post]

The point of that whole tangent was to let you know that because I didn’t have the conviction about the reasons why I was doing the Media Fast in the first place, I decided I could be OK with not finishing. I did it for 3 months. Solid. But now, it’s done. So, normal life has commenced. I normally don’t like to admit failure, or that I quit something. But I kind of don’t care with this. Is that bad? You’re probably thinking, I knew she couldn’t do it to yourself, or Lauren is the queen of big gestures like that and not following through. Both of which are true. in this case. But the thing is…I don’t care. That’s lame, I know. But for once, I’m OK with that.

So, all that to say, I’ve been watching TV and reading books since the middle of August. And, scene.

Loving:

I just went to Medieval Times the other night and I am secretly obsessed with it. A – you get to eat with your hands. B – it’s basically a bunch of buff, long-haired men who battle each other. COME ON. C – you can yell and scream and talk in a British accent and it’s amazing. Let’s all go soon, ok?

Reading:

Currently, The Giver. Yes, I am pretty sure I read it in Junior High? But I forgot all about it, and I have this weird need to read the book before I see the movie (which I’m sure I will see eventually). Next up is the biography of Stephen Sondheim, which will satiate my little musical theater nerd heart.

Watching:

Not much, actually. I’ve been geeking out on old episodes of One Tree Hill just because I’m in a never-ending nostalgic state as of late, but nothing really new. Parenthood (last season!) and Nashville will both start up again, so I’m sure I’ll be into those.

WAIT! I was almost done with this blog before I realized I do have a new show I love. GRACELAND. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s pretty much a cop show that is mainly the same as all other cop shows, but it has Aaron Tveit in it which makes it a billion times better. If you have been in proximity to me in the last year so or, you’ve probably heard about crush on Aaron Tveit, who started out on Broadway and has the voice of a million tiny cherubs. SO yes, I watch this show purely because of Aaron Tveit, and that’s totally fine with me.

The internet agrees, by the way. Aaron is a king. 

Also, this. 

See, you love him now too!

Listening To:

Since breaking my fast, I basically just have been listening to all the stuff I missed. Of course I’m bumpin’ showtunes and country on a consistent basis these days…but other than that nothing to report.

Ok I lied, I have been listening to T-Swift’s new song on repeat. It’s just so. darn. catchy.

I will say that Damien Rice just announced he is putting out a new record in November and that totally gets me fired up.

Also, Copeland is making a comeback, so I obviously will be obsessed with that album.

I promise next time I will share actual things and not just the excitement I have for upcoming things.

Anticipating:

Well, here we go. So, I got a new job. At my alma mater – Vanguard University. It’s an amazing opportunity, and it happened so fast that I haven’t quite had time to really grasp it yet. I start in less than two weeks and I cannot wait. I will be working in the Alumni office, which is actually a place I could see myself for a long time. It is a beautiful combination of all my strengths, interests, and desire to be in the higher education world.

I truly believe this is the start of my real career, and while I’m thankful for the time I had at ROCKHARBOR, the more I think about it, the more I believe this is the right move.

I also am starting an acting class next Monday. It’s weird, I know. But I have been itching to get back into some form of theater/acting, and this was a perfect time. I’m sure I’ll have more to report once I’ve taken the class once, but I am just so excited for it!

Planning:

Prepare yourself: this is going to be stupid.

So, with my new job, comes new wardrobe obligations. What I mean is that no longer will I be free to wear whatever I fancy, which is my current situation. I will rock the business professional look all day, and that is going to take some serious planning. I’ve acquired a few outfits, but I am going to need to start building that collection…since I mainly just own graphic tees, flowy striped shirts, camo pants, and those weird flowy short things.

My best friend told me to watch the show Suits and go from there. Cheers to pant-suits and pencil skirts from now on!

#IRefuseToWearHeelsStill

Working On:

I’ve started working out again. Which is funny, because I took a “break” from working out pretty much since the last time I did this type of post…AKA a year. I put on a LOT of weight in my last semester of grad school and then I moved into a new house and started cooking all my food AKA eating out a lot and blah. I felt gross. I’ve been at it for a few weeks, and am even in a challenge with a co-worker. It’s been nice to have that little routine back, and I hope (HOPE) it will pay off in the long run.

-L

Dear Diary: Things I wish I could forget, but since I can’t, I’ll publish them on the internet. (part 2)

So, I started publishing my old diary entries. Weird? Yes? But I am not easily embarrassed and I actually love the idea that people are laughing at the expense of 11-14 year old Lauren. So, I’ll keep posting them. Wanna see the first one? You should definitely read it because it paints a picture of just how silly I was back then.

July: The month I pretty much only went to Church to see boys.

July 9, 2000

‘I tried Youth Church because Ryan wasn’t at church again. It was way better than Sunday CZ, but Sharon said we couldn’t go up anymore. Poop on her!’

Good comeback Lauren. Reaaaaaaly good. I will have you know that this is the first of many times that I used this “diss” (P.S. the word DISS!? Do you remember using this word!!!). Some other choice insults I liked to use during this period of my life were: “idiot-face,” “ass clown” (which, I still totally love to use today), “dummy-butt” (which is a real winner in my book) and “snot.” 

I also want to highlight here that I was the girl who got in trouble for sneaking into youth church. Like, some kids got in trouble for stealing or smoking cigarettes, but the pinnacle of my punishment for something involved being told to not go to a church service.

July 1 and July 22, 2000

‘We ran a bunch of aarons…’ and ‘We ran a bunch of erins…’

I effing just needed to learn how to spell errands. ERRANDS.

This makes me cringe.

July 23, 2000

‘I miss last summer. Muriel’s really changed.’

This was all the entry said. I was sure depressed, I couldn’t elaborate, and we all know that I can elaborate on just about anything. But you know what? Muriel really had changed and I just didn’t even know how to process it. So, the depression and consequent lack of words is super valid.

July 30, 2000

‘I went to church. Ryan wasn’t there but I saw him at the Bradford’s going away reception. He said he has a girlfriend but I think he’s lieing. Whoevers his girlfriend is really lucky. He’s gotten way cute! CYA!’

Well the summer-long mystery of where the love of my life Ryan had been all summer was SOLVED. In retrospect, it really was sad that I spent the whole summer pining for a boy and that was pretty much the only reason I went to church. Oh, and for the record, he totally did NOT have a girlfriend and we made out later that summer so the joke is on him.

Have we talked about how I say CYA at the end of pretty much every entry? I think I am going to start using that as my signature sign-off as an adult.

August and September, 2000.

August 1, 2000

‘Then we made Kaylin like Britney Spears and did a concert for Kelsey and Alyssa. Oh yeah, Ryan might be at church tomorrow and I have a different plan (smiley face).’
This was like, the epitome of my childhood. We dressed up and did concerts and music videos for our younger siblings to questionable pop songs. (I will say that I deeply resent that I ALWAYS  had to be Scary Spice when we played Spice Girls.) But for the most part, we just all dressed in the latest fashions from Limited Too, and danced around. I miiiiiiight still do this now, but it usually involves alcohol.

And looky here! Ryan makes another appearance! I guess our epic love story was NOT done yet. I don’t know about you but I am on PINS AND NEEDLES thinking about what my ‘different plan’ was.

*Note the use of a smiley face. This is the first time one of these makes an appearance…I was so ahead of the game you guys.

August 11, 2000

‘For my birthday my mom and dad bought me the make-up planner and white Adidas.’

I can picture the make-up planner right now. It was everything. Also, let’s take a moment to appreciate footwear of the early 2000s. Adidas and Jack Purcells certainly were the big ones, right?G15721_01

Yikes. These are some of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. Fashion-savvy Lauren of the present would cringe at the idea that I once wore these. But, then I remember that I also wore these:

mudd

…and the shear horror of that eliminates the shame I feel about white Adidas.

I would just like to say that during this particular time, there was a little addition to the ‘CYA!’ sign-off. ‘Bye Bye Bye!’ (AHHHHHH. So horrible).

August 19, 2000

‘I went on AOL.com chat room. I met a girl who I think is cool.’

Oh sweet naive Lauren. I’ll be interested to see if I write about this ‘girl’ anymore, because I am guessing it was really a 40 year old man with questionable intentions.

September 7, 2000

‘I hung out with everybody and the new girl Audree. She’s nice!’

SO THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED. You guys – SHE WAS NOT NICE. Let me tell you about this girl. She was my first real-exposure to the kind of bat-shit crazy that ends up on reality shows. This girl was nuts. I literally have repressed most of my memories of her, but I have a few lingering nightmares about her antics every once in a while. I cannot wait to continue reading my diaries because I had to have captured some of the horrifying experiences we had together.

 

 

Dear Diary: Things I wish I could forget, but since I can’t, I’ll publish them on the internet.

So I’m starting a new series called, well you can read the title above. But it’s going to be glorious.

And here’s the point. I mainly just want to indulge myself in the nostalgia that comes with reading diaries from the past. But I also think it’s hilarious to look back at the things I thought were matters of life and death. I also just want to make you laugh a little. So there’s not huge lesson or learning in this, just plain, embarrassing, adolescent drama.

I thought about changing names, but since I literally have not seen or talked to most of the people mentioned in over 10 years – I’m leaving them. Sorry if you’re reading this and you see what you think is your name. It’s probably NOT you, but if it is, get over it. It’s been over a decade and we’re both over all this anyway. Cheers!

unnamed

For reference, this is the diary I wrote in during this season. It’s from Limited Too, and it had the best little section at the end so I could remember EVERYTHING.

unnamed-1

June 2000 was a really epic month, apparently.

June 7, 2000

‘And I graduated from dare. Well I hope you last a long time because I think many more boys and problems will come up. There’s a new kid named Kyle (Hannah’s couisin) He’s funny, and okay!’

Here we go, first entry. You’ll notice what begins a trend of some really questionable spelling. For as much of a spelling/grammar nazi as I am now, it is really painful to look back at these entries and see how little I cared about spelling. Oh well, I guess I can’t be to hard on myself. I was 11 years old.

And how prophetic was I? Because THERE WAS many more boys and problems. Oh, if I could squeeze 11 year old Lauren’s cheeks and say: sweets, you have nooooo idea what ‘boy problems’ are! I would.

June 8, 2000

‘It was an eventful day. We couldn’t talk the whole morning until lunch. Then we had wheel day. I brought my skates. Well gotta go! Mrs. Steph is gonna show me her NSYNC pictures! Ryan I. is still #1! I hope the 6th grds have a good graduation. Oh no! Colby’ (and yes the sentence does end right there with no period). 

Let me assure you that for Lauren, age 11, this would have been the worst day of my life. No talking AND wheel day? Literally hell. At least my favorite after-school counselor had the right idea to remedy my bad day. Also, it looks like I was really concerned about Colby…which, in retrospect, I was right. That girl was strange and I am pretty sure I had a really tumultuous friendship with her. Highlights include her mom telling me I was ‘ruining her daughter’s life’ because I got a solo in the choir we were in and kissing her brother.

June 10, 2000

‘When I was at Kaylin’s we rode to Madi’s house and picked her and Noey up to come over. Then we went swimming. Then we ate Pringles + Dr. Pepper. We lost our last softball game by only 1 run. Who cares!’

I was very concerned with sharing the intricate details of my hangouts, including the exact menu. In thinking about this, I wonder what we ‘rode’ to Madi’s house. You see, all my friends were super skateboarders and bike-riders, and I was neither of those things. I probably was the lame girl walking behind the gang on boards. That happened often I feel like.

June 11, 2000

‘I saw Justin at church. I think Nick likes me! Boy will be surprised when Ryan comes. I just hope Ryan, Nick, and Justin don’t all get me messed up…I dislike Nick! I wrote a note to Ryan telling him we’re just friends. I really x2 like Jeffrey!’
You guys. This is my favorite. Here we see the beginning of the “listing” of boys that seems to be a theme throughout my teenage years. Just wait until we get to 8th grade. It’s pretty fascinating what I rank boys based on (and also like super awful and shallow). The great part of this is that none of the boys listed here actually liked me, so looks like I was just a liiiiiitle cocky. A friend pointed out how quickly Ryan went from being #1 to just being my friend. She is right, that is a really fast turnaround. I really, really think my diary might be evidence for the case that I am bi-polar. Or just 11.

June 13, 2000

‘We had our pool party. They were all being snots and the girls even wore tube tops! Snots!’

I’m dying. 11 year old Lauren was very concerned with the outfits of my schoolmates. Tube tops!? Oh, the horror. If I was this concerned with bare shoulders, I would be positively mortified at what most girls wear these days. And ‘snots!’ as an insult? Solid. Let’s bring that one back, ok?

June 14, 2000

‘I was kinda flirting with Martin not for looks though. I haven’t seen Jeffrey, but Ryan’s up next. Ugh!’

I really think this points to the underlying depth of my interest in boys. I mean, if I wasn’t flirting with Martine for looks doesn’t that mean I was a super good person and looking beyond the physical? I think so. Pat on the back 11 year old Lauren. You were wise beyond your years.

After reading the next part of that sentence, I can see I was back to my old ways. All credibility is lost. Basically, I just liked whoever I saw around most frequently. That must have been super exhausting!

That’s kind of how it still works these days…if I’m honest.

June 15, 2000

‘I am sad to not have school anymore. Noelle gets acrilics, waxed eyebrows, and shaved legs unfair! We went to Blimpies for lunch if that’s any exciting?’

Oh my gosh, this is gold.  I believe this statement was really before it’s time because this absolutely calls for #firstworldproblems. Notice my spelling errors here. Also, no 11 year old Lauren, your lunch choice was not ‘any exciting’ what the hell does that even mean?

June 24, 2000

‘I hope Ryan’s at church. I need to tell him how I really feel about Jeff.’

I love that I was super concerned about telling Ryan about ANOTHER boy. Coincidentally. neither of these boys liked me, so I was very stressed out about nothing. And let’s just not focus on the fact that I mainly was excited to go to church for the possibility of seeing a boy. That has for SURE changed…right?

Stay tuned for a look at the rest of the summer of 2000. It only gets better you guys. It only gets better.

The morning after.

I.

If you follow me on Social Media you know that I had (have, one is later this afternoon) 3 weddings this weekend. Ah, weddings. I’m used to them by now. I have my little routine.

Arrive on time. Small-talk with people I know and others I just met. Choose which groomsmen is the cutest (and notice whether or not he is wearing a ring…). Marvel first at the bridesmaids dresses and then at the bride’s. Cry during the vows. Snap the perfect Instagram shot as the pair comes down the aisle during the recessional. B-line for the open bar. Must. have. two glasses of wine before dinner. Dinner. Toasts. Mentally decide if I’m going to stay for dancing and if so, one more glass of wine. If there is a bouquet, I’ll try to catch it. (I’ve actually caught three – so it’s kind of my “thing.”) Cry once more when the bride and groom walk through the soccer-esque tunnel that we all make for them. Get in my car and go home.

I truly, truly love weddings because I truly, truly love seeing my friends happy. In love. Euphoric. In anticipation of what’s to come (both in life, but also later on that evening…ha).

But I’ll admit, every wedding I attend, the sting of being perpetually single gets a little more acute, a little more painful.

When will this happen for me? 

Or recently, just:

…will this happen for me? 

(Note: Some of you might be thinking, please. I’m much older than you and have gone to ten times more weddings than you and it sucks much more for me than you. Some of you have told me this, when I share my feelings about being single with you. (Just so we’re clear – that’s not helpful.) But yes, I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that I am young and still “have time” and shouldn’t think about this as much as I do. But I am a thinker and a writer and that’s the most terrible combination when it comes to matters of the heart, so here we are. We each have our own stuff, and this is mine. I don’t want to compare and contrast, and it’s not your place to judge whether or not I am over-thinking this or feeling too many feels about being single for a person my age.  Please just allow me to process, to make sense of something that really shifted my perspective. That’s what this space has always been good for, anyways.)

II.

I always hate to compare weddings because every wedding I’ve ever been to is lovely and perfect and special – fitting the bride and groom like the proverbial glove. But there was something inexplicably profound about the wedding I attended last night. I’m realizing, not so much because of the wedding, but because of the state of my heart during this time in my life.

I’ve been in this weird season for the last few months. Everyone told me it would be like this after Seminary. Initially, it started out with me being mad at God for not providing me with a relationship. But then it moved to this place of questioning everything I ever believed in. It’s normal for a twenty-something who has followed Jesus her entire life, I suppose, to have this doubt.

Does it really matter that I live a holy life? I’ve done pretty well thus far, I think I owe it to myself to live a little more free and adventurous for a while. Was Christian University and Seminary really worth it? Because I don’t even know that I want to go into vocational ministry, so it seems like it might have been kiiiind of a massive waste!? Is being a follower of Christ worth it? Because while I’ve experienced great joy in my walk with Him, I’ve also experienced great sadness. Grief. Pain. And frankly, that’s been more my story as of late.

I went into this weekend jaded. Bitter. I’d never say it flat out because like I said I love my friends and am so unbelievably happy for them, but you could probably sense it in the way I rolled my eyes when I told you “I have THREE weddings this weekend” or when I made the joke about needing my flask nearby at all times to endure it all.

I’m sorry I mask my feelings with this petty sarcasm.

But last night, something happened. This wedding, ironically, reminded me that a wedding is not about a wedding. It’s not about the pomp and circumstance or the dance party or the bridesmaids dresses or the hashtag.

We started out the wedding with worship. I was a bit skeptical when I heard about this plan, but once it started, it just felt right. We all know that a wedding ought to be a ceremony that puts God on display and points to Christ. But starting out with worship allowed this couple and the rest of us to, as they say, put our money where our mouth is.

As I sang the words from my favorite hymn:

“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, Oh ruler of all.”

Things alarmingly came into a new focus.

Whatever befall. Singleness is what is, um, befalling (?) on me in this moment, but I’ve lost the vision. I’ve lost Christ in a haze of doubt and fear and skepticism and bitterness.

Because in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in single-ness and in not single-ness, the calling is still the same – to glorify God by enjoying Him forever (thanks J Pipes).

I think sometimes us single people forget that a wedding and even a “person” will not make everything better (But, maybe it’s just me, so I apologize for making a generalization). A spouse is not the reward for following Christ. They are a gift, but not the gift.

Sure, being in love is amazing (or so I’ve heard), and there are about ten-thousand things that are awesome about being married, but it’s not the ultimate thing we as humans were created for. I forget that. I forget that my reward for following Christ is not a husband, but Christ. I forget that the adoring gaze or loving embrace of a man will never, ever match the adoring gaze or loving embrace of my Father. And no, it’s not about diminishing the wonderful-ness of being married to make myself feel better, but rather, making sure my thoughts about marriage take their proper place in the hierarchy of my desires and priorities. Marriage is something God created in His infinite goodness, but that’s not our singular call. If I am not living a holy life or pointing others to Christ  – I am not walking in a manner worthy of my calling. Honestly, I’m learning now that whether or not I have a spouse is irrelevant for the work God has called me too.

My goal in life should not be to find someone and to be a wife; my goal in life should be to glorify Christ, always. This is not a new epiphany, but for some reason, it is resonating in such a palpable way today.

III.

So, Will and Sally, your wedding reminded me that following Christ is worth it. Not because you’ve “found each other” but because individually and together as a couple, you remind me that God is good. Neither of you has had it easy, and even as you celebrated yesterday, the heartbreak you’ve experienced in this season was visible. But, even still, you worshipped. You glorified God. You made the promise in front of all of us to yes, cherish and love another, but most importantly to glorify God as individuals and as one.

Your wedding was spectacular – fun and sweet and hilarious – all the things a wedding should be. But, as I sit in bed on this morning after, a time normally spent grieving that life I want but don’t have, I am surprisingly at peace about it all.

Your wedding was healing for this single gal’s soul, and for that, I am grateful.

-L